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Failed Donald Trump assassin Thomas Matthew Crooks’ final online search before the Pennsylvania rally shooting last weekend was for pornography, according to a report. Crooks’ last search was found when the FBI gained access to the 20-year-old’s encrypted Samsung phone, a senior law enforcement official told the Daily Beast.Gay porno Initial attempts to bust into the Android device at the Pittsburgh field office failed, and the phone had to be flown to Quantico for agents to take a look at it, the source explained. The only other recent activity the FBI found on the phone was texts from Crooks’ parents asking where he was. The messages started around 1 p.m. and continued through the afternoon. Crooks’ parents apparently believed their son had taken one of his father’s AR-15 rifles and gone to a local shooting range. Around 6 p.m., Crooks opened fire on the Trump rally at the Butler Farm Show grounds — grazing Trump’s ear, killing one rally attendee and critically wounding two others. Crooks was shot dead by a Secret Service sniper. “By 6 p.m., he was dead,” the source told the Daily Beast. Agents found four rifle magazines by his body, as well as a remote control that could detonate the explosives found in his car nearby. Six days after the assassination attempt, the FBI has mostly finished looking at Crooks’ phone and is now focused on his laptop and hard drives that were found in his bedroom, they added. So far, investigators have found a troubling online history that included searches for Oxford High School shooter Ethan Crumbley and other mass shooters, law enforcement sources told The Post. Crooks had a photo on his phone of the mass shooter just after his arrest — and also had information about Crumbley’s parents, who were both convicted of involuntary manslaughter for failing to stop their son’s carnage, a CNN report said. In the days leading up to the shooting, Crooks had looked up Trump and President Biden, as well as other elected figures. Authorities are looking into the possibility that Crooks was focused on a mass-casualty event — and that Trump’s rally close to his home in Pennsylvania was a convenient target. The discovery of porn searches on Crooks’ phone was “not unusual,” the source told the Daily Beast. Sandy Hook Elementary School shooter Adam Lanza, for example, had images of child abuse on his phone, and al Qaeda suspects have been found to have made extremely disturbing pornography searches, they noted. Advertisement
NEWS… BUT NOT AS YOU KNOW IT Ekin-Su Cülcüloglu has opened up about her hellish stalker ordeal and how ‘traumatised’ she was when a man threatened to leak her intimate pictures. The 2022 Love Island winner, 29, has made a gradual return to the spotlight in recent months after her appearance on Celebrity Big Brother divided viewers.Gay porno In her comeback interview, the reality star spoke bravely about the time her phone went missing while she was on a Tinder date, with the man later turning up at her home with a brand new mobile for her. The Turkish actress admitted that this ‘should have been a red flag’ given that the phone wasn’t in its box, but she was convinced he was simply ‘spoiling’ her. Speaking to The Sun’s Fabulous magazine, she explained that she started using the phone and remained in contact with the man after their date. After two months, however, she claims to have received a ‘really weird’ email to her work address. ‘I was working an admin job at a finance company at the time. It said, “I know everything about you”,’ said Ekin-Su. She then allegedly received an intimate photo of herself. ‘I thought it must be spam but they attached a picture of me wearing lingerie that I had sent to my ex. ‘I tried to ignore it but the emails kept coming and one said, “If you don’t reply, I’m going to email this friend with a private chat you had about them behind their back”.’ The anonymous contact then claimed to know specific details about Ekin-Su, such as where she bought lunch, proceeding to threaten her with leaking her NSFW pictures. ‘It was basically revenge porn, but the police couldn’t do anything,’ said Ekin-Su, after her ex-boyfriend was the one who suggested they report the incident. The police reportedly asked Ekin-Su if she had ‘met anyone knew’ recently who had ‘given [her] gifts’. At this moment, she ‘felt so silly’. On what the outcome was, Ekin-Su said the IP (device address) of the sender wasn’t trackable, forcing her to delete the contents of her phone, iCloud, and email inbox. This didn’t mark the end of her ordeal, though. When she applied for Love Island, bosses had to ask her if ‘anything could come up’, with Ekin-Su – who went on to win the show – fearful the snaps might surface, but they did not. To this day, she still worries that ‘stuff might come out’. ‘I was really traumatised. Now I look for signs and I cut people out early. I need to protect myself,’ she declared. Following her split from fellow Love Islander Davide Sanclimenti, Ekin-Su confirmed that she is happily single at the moment. She’s not shutting herself off from the possibility of romance completely, though, having confessed to joining celebrity dating app Raya. Following her fateful CBB stint earlier this year, which saw Ekin-Su rub some viewers up the wrong way with her comments, particularly after befriending Sharon Osbourne and Louis Walsh, the influencer is changing career paths. Strictly 2024 star Tasha Ghouri’s rise to fame and dating history with Giovanni Pernice Fatman Scoop’s ex-wife shares heartache after rapper’s death aged 56 Is this why Molly-Mae and Tommy really broke up? Eamonn Holmes returns to UK with girlfriend after Ruth Langsford ‘hires divorce lawyer’ Stating that she’s ‘taking back ownership’, she recently told Metro.co.uk of her major TV plans in America. Following a hugely successful appearance on The Traitors US, Ekin-Su attended the Tony Awards and is set to walk the carpet at the Emmys after her series received a nomination. ‘Life is good, and I feel so grateful for these amazing opportunities,’ she told us. London’s ‘secret’ village with ‘stunning views’ named one of UK’s best to live in Almost every Omaze dream home has been sold — but I’m keeping mine We bought an uninhabited island for £24,000 — it was a lot cheaper than a house deposit World War II bomb shelter with amazing sea views on sale for £25,000 Loud music and endless abuse – what it’s like to live next to a neighbour from hell ‘The US has welcomed me with open arms, and I have felt so supported by the UK who are championing me to fly the flag across the pond. It’s been a whirlwind six months, but I’m solely focused on my career right now, and taking back ownership of who I am.’ Got a story? If you’ve got a celebrity story, video or pictures get in touch with the Metro.co.uk entertainment team by emailing us [email protected], calling 020 3615 2145 or by visiting our Submit Stuff page – we’d love to hear from you.
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By Samantha Marcham Published: 12:20 BST, 15 August 2024 | Updated: 13:40 BST, 15 August 2024 503 View comments Porn is a growing addiction crisis – I should know I work as a counsellor at a boys’ boarding school. Some of the stories I hear when dealing with young people are unspeakable.Gay porno But I can say that a worrying proportion of teenage boys spend hours every day looking at content so explicit it would make anyone blush. This, perhaps, is not too surprising. After all, when have teenagers not been hormonal monsters? Porn is now the second most common addiction in the UK after alcohol, according to Britain’s biggest rehab provider, the UK Addiction Treatment Group However, I also run my own psychotherapy practice for adults and since setting up my business, a new phenomenon has shocked me even more: A horrifying number of married men are hooked on internet porn. Research suggests that, since the Covid pandemic, the number of people – almost entirely men – seeking help for porn addiction has trebled, according to the UK Addiction Treatment Group, Britain’s biggest rehab provider. According to the organisation, porn is now the second most common addiction in the UK, after alcohol. I’ve seen this for myself. Generally, the first time a woman will realise there is an issue is when she catches sight of porn on their partner’s phone or laptop. Understandably, this can lead to feeling of anger and disbelief. Many women worry that it must be a reflection of themselves: that they are not attractive enough, not sexy enough – that they are not good enough. Week after week, distraught women sit in my therapy room, sobbing profusely, and tell me how they discovered their partner had not only been watching porn every day, but that he had been doing this on family holidays, birthdays, and even on their wedding anniversary. Therapist Samantha Marcham says often the first time a woman will realise there is an issue is when she catches sight of porn on their partner’s phone or laptop But the case that surprised even me, was the man who had slipped away to watch porn on five separate occasions during his own son’s wedding day! It’s important to say that having a porn problem does not mean someone is a bad person, nor a bad partner. Just like with alcohol and drug abuse, it is a condition that requires treatment. It certainly doesn’t mean that a husband doesn’t love his wife. However, porn addiction can have serious consequences if it is not treated. One of the most common issues is that many men who regularly watch porn struggle to perform during sex. Another is that men may start acting out violent fantasies, such as attempting to choke or hit their partner. One of the most worrying consequences of a porn problem is that it puts men at risk of ‘sextortion’, a crime that is on the increase in the UK. One of my clients, a professional man in his 50s, arrived at my clinic in a state of sheer panic after his porn habit spiralled into him paying to use chatlines and sexting other women – or so he thought. One of these ‘women’, turned out to be an Eastern European criminal gang who then demanded money. When he refused, they threatened to come to his home that evening to pick up the cash, or they would tell his wife and his children. After I had managed to calm him down, he went home and did the sensible thing and confessed everything to his wife. Together, they called the police. Ultimately, the key to tackling a porn addiction problem is catching and treating it early. Many men will deny they have an issue for far too long. This is why, sometimes, it’s up to their wife or partner to stage an intervention. So, with that in mind, here are some of the signs that your husband has a porn addiction… One of the first signs of a porn problem is when a husband suddenly wants less sex. Of course, in a long-term relationship, it is common for desire to come-and-go. Research suggests that women are more likely to experience a low sex drive, especially after having children or during menopause. As a result, many men turn to porn because they feel ‘over-sexed’ compared to their partner and want to let off steam. There is nothing wrong with this – masturbation is a normal habit for both genders. However, if, seemingly out of nowhere, your husband’s sex drive drops off, this may suggest he is masturbating to porn too much. I often hear from women who say the first time they noticed any issue was when they instigated sex with their partner and he struggled to gain, or maintain, an erection. This is also a sign that he may be getting his sexual fix online. There’s even a medical name for this problem – porn-induced erectile dysfunction. However, this may also be a sign of standard erectile dysfunction, which affects roughly one in four adult men – primarily those over the age of 50. For this reason, it is important to look for other signs of porn addiction as well. When a man becomes cagey about his wife looking at his phone, one of the most likely reasons is that he is regularly using it to view porn. Historically, this has been seen as a possible sign of an affair – but frankly, I can tell you it’s much more likely to be explicit pictures and videos. Mobile phones are the main way people consume porn these days and, moreover, the internet has provided a seemingly infinite number of ways to consume content designed to arouse. Along with the obvious websites such as Pornhub, the most common places online where porn can be found include the social media sites Reddit and Twitter, as well as the subscriber app OnlyFans (more on that below). Male clients even tell me that they even resort to watching soft-core videos on TikTok and YouTube – where nudity isn’t allowed. While Google search history can be hidden by going ‘incognito’ (opening up a private browser), searches on Reddit, Twitter, TikTok, and YouTube generally cannot. Moreover, all these apps now use sophisticated software that show users content based on what they have previously viewed. This means that, if a regular porn watcher opens up Reddit or TikTok, for example, the first thing that appears is likely to be explicit or suggestive content. For this reason, look out for your husband turning his phone screen away from you whenever he uses it. Or, even more telling, he jumps like a madman to intercept you if you go to pick his mobile up. If you know his password already, then be suspicious if he changes it without explanation. This, to me, is by far the most common sign of a problem – men who are addicted to porn will almost always lock themselves away in the bathroom. In a family home – especially one with children – this may be the only place of any privacy. So it makes sense that a man attempting to hide his reliance on porn will take frequent, lengthy trips there. This might involve running the shower for ten minutes or more but spending the majority of time sitting on the loo staring at his phone. Keep an eye on how often your husband takes his phone with him to the bathroom. He may even bring headphones with him, too. If he does this, gently ask him why he needs his phone. An overly defensive or aggressive response may signal trouble. Strangely, another warning sign of porn addiction I come across regularly is men buying their partner racy lingerie Men who watch too much porn will often try to re-enact what they see on the screen in real life – which can often lead to uncomfortable situations. It’s easy to see why this happens. For many men, porn is a fantastical escape. It allows them to imagine a sex life which is more adventurous and vigorous than it actually is. It’s not surprising that some attempt to turn fantasy into reality. This might involve acts which their partners find shocking, such as choking and hitting. However, the most common change in behaviour I see is a sudden desire for bl*****s. It’s probably due to the fact that every single porn film involves oral sex. It’s depicted as a normal part of sex. In reality, studies show that less than a third of young women say they enjoy performing oral sex, and older women are even less keen on it. Strangely, another warning sign of porn addiction I come across regularly is men buying their partner racy lingerie. They get so used to seeing these revealing – and uncomfortable – outfits in porn that they want to see their wives wearing them too. Until recently, it seemed like the days of paying for porn was in the past. Gone were the days of sleazy video rentals or pay-per-view channels, it was all online for free. But, now paying for porn is back and it’s ruining marriages. This is almost entirely thanks to OnlyFans, the subscriber porn app which is used by around 12 million people in the UK. It allows customers – nine out of ten are men – to pay a monthly subscription to a single porn actor, who posts regular explicit content only available to their ‘fans’. It’s a fascinating business, some women make more than £1million every year via OnlyFans, but it’s a massive factor in the rise of porn addiction in the UK. According to the UK Addiction Treatment Group, OnlyFans is one of the most common triggers of porn addiction in the patients they see. This is largely due to the phenomenon psychologists call ‘parasocial’ relationships. This is where someone builds a one-sided relationship with a social media personality online. They adore this person, and begin to feel like they know them personally, even though this famous figure doesn’t know who they are. It’s often seen in young women who become besotted with musicians like Taylor Swift or Harry Styles. But with OnlyFans it takes on a much darker form. Some even argue that a married man who uses the app is cheating on his partner. I’m not sure I agree, but I don’t think it’s healthy either. The good news is that it’s easy to spot if your partner is dim enough to use your joint account to buy an OnlyFans membership. These usually cost around £10-a-month, and it will show up on the bill as ‘OnlyFans’. So, if your partner suddenly decides he wants to get a new debit card, or you see him inputting his card details into his phone, but he won’t tell you why, it could be due to an OnlyFans account. Your relationship might have become strained or stale due to the malign effects of porn. You might be plodding along, not making the most of life, or each other Spotting the signs of porn addiction isn’t a case of catching a partner out, it’s about helping them. The good news is that a compulsion for pornography can be fixed. And it certainly doesn’t mean the end of a relationship. In fact, although it might feel crushing to discover your partner has a problem, it can turn out to be a blessing in disguise. Your relationship might have become strained or stale. You might be plodding along, not making the most of life, or each other. This could be the wake-up call that is needed for both of you. So, should you suspect your partner has a problem, who can you do about it? Talk to them. Ask them if they could subconsciously be using porn as a crutch. Check if there is something he is worried about – work, finances, or the kids. A porn problem can often come as a result of stress. Addressing the topic might come as a relief to him. Keeping a secret can make a person feel they are very alone. But it’s important to approach it without appearing angry or judgmental. Talk to your partner about using healthier crutches instead, like exercise. Even better, find something you can do together – get a couple’s membership at the local gym, or make time to go for long walks together. And, if you are a man reading this who recognises you might have a porn problem that is getting out of a control, show this article to your partner. She might be taken aback, but she will appreciate the honesty. If you don’t feel you are able, or if you don’t have a partner, then you can talk to a counsellor confidentially. There is a list of reputable therapists on the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) website. Couples therapy can also make a relationship better than it ever was. Samantha Marcham is a psychotherapeutic counsellor. Her book Porn Bomb, co-written with her son Maximillian, offers advice to young people about pornography. Published by Associated Newspapers Ltd Part of the Daily Mail, The Mail on Sunday & Metro Media Group
By Samantha Marcham Published: 12:20 BST, 15 August 2024 | Updated: 13:40 BST, 15 August 2024 503 View comments Porn is a growing addiction crisis – I should know I work as a counsellor at a boys’ boarding school. Some of the stories I hear when dealing with young people are unspeakable.Gay porno But I can say that a worrying proportion of teenage boys spend hours every day looking at content so explicit it would make anyone blush. This, perhaps, is not too surprising. After all, when have teenagers not been hormonal monsters? Porn is now the second most common addiction in the UK after alcohol, according to Britain’s biggest rehab provider, the UK Addiction Treatment Group However, I also run my own psychotherapy practice for adults and since setting up my business, a new phenomenon has shocked me even more: A horrifying number of married men are hooked on internet porn. Research suggests that, since the Covid pandemic, the number of people – almost entirely men – seeking help for porn addiction has trebled, according to the UK Addiction Treatment Group, Britain’s biggest rehab provider. According to the organisation, porn is now the second most common addiction in the UK, after alcohol. I’ve seen this for myself. Generally, the first time a woman will realise there is an issue is when she catches sight of porn on their partner’s phone or laptop. Understandably, this can lead to feeling of anger and disbelief. Many women worry that it must be a reflection of themselves: that they are not attractive enough, not sexy enough – that they are not good enough. Week after week, distraught women sit in my therapy room, sobbing profusely, and tell me how they discovered their partner had not only been watching porn every day, but that he had been doing this on family holidays, birthdays, and even on their wedding anniversary. Therapist Samantha Marcham says often the first time a woman will realise there is an issue is when she catches sight of porn on their partner’s phone or laptop But the case that surprised even me, was the man who had slipped away to watch porn on five separate occasions during his own son’s wedding day! It’s important to say that having a porn problem does not mean someone is a bad person, nor a bad partner. Just like with alcohol and drug abuse, it is a condition that requires treatment. It certainly doesn’t mean that a husband doesn’t love his wife. However, porn addiction can have serious consequences if it is not treated. One of the most common issues is that many men who regularly watch porn struggle to perform during sex. Another is that men may start acting out violent fantasies, such as attempting to choke or hit their partner. One of the most worrying consequences of a porn problem is that it puts men at risk of ‘sextortion’, a crime that is on the increase in the UK. One of my clients, a professional man in his 50s, arrived at my clinic in a state of sheer panic after his porn habit spiralled into him paying to use chatlines and sexting other women – or so he thought. One of these ‘women’, turned out to be an Eastern European criminal gang who then demanded money. When he refused, they threatened to come to his home that evening to pick up the cash, or they would tell his wife and his children. After I had managed to calm him down, he went home and did the sensible thing and confessed everything to his wife. Together, they called the police. Ultimately, the key to tackling a porn addiction problem is catching and treating it early. Many men will deny they have an issue for far too long. This is why, sometimes, it’s up to their wife or partner to stage an intervention. So, with that in mind, here are some of the signs that your husband has a porn addiction… One of the first signs of a porn problem is when a husband suddenly wants less sex. Of course, in a long-term relationship, it is common for desire to come-and-go. Research suggests that women are more likely to experience a low sex drive, especially after having children or during menopause. As a result, many men turn to porn because they feel ‘over-sexed’ compared to their partner and want to let off steam. There is nothing wrong with this – masturbation is a normal habit for both genders. However, if, seemingly out of nowhere, your husband’s sex drive drops off, this may suggest he is masturbating to porn too much. I often hear from women who say the first time they noticed any issue was when they instigated sex with their partner and he struggled to gain, or maintain, an erection. This is also a sign that he may be getting his sexual fix online. There’s even a medical name for this problem – porn-induced erectile dysfunction. However, this may also be a sign of standard erectile dysfunction, which affects roughly one in four adult men – primarily those over the age of 50. For this reason, it is important to look for other signs of porn addiction as well. When a man becomes cagey about his wife looking at his phone, one of the most likely reasons is that he is regularly using it to view porn. Historically, this has been seen as a possible sign of an affair – but frankly, I can tell you it’s much more likely to be explicit pictures and videos. Mobile phones are the main way people consume porn these days and, moreover, the internet has provided a seemingly infinite number of ways to consume content designed to arouse. Along with the obvious websites such as Pornhub, the most common places online where porn can be found include the social media sites Reddit and Twitter, as well as the subscriber app OnlyFans (more on that below). Male clients even tell me that they even resort to watching soft-core videos on TikTok and YouTube – where nudity isn’t allowed. While Google search history can be hidden by going ‘incognito’ (opening up a private browser), searches on Reddit, Twitter, TikTok, and YouTube generally cannot. Moreover, all these apps now use sophisticated software that show users content based on what they have previously viewed. This means that, if a regular porn watcher opens up Reddit or TikTok, for example, the first thing that appears is likely to be explicit or suggestive content. For this reason, look out for your husband turning his phone screen away from you whenever he uses it. Or, even more telling, he jumps like a madman to intercept you if you go to pick his mobile up. If you know his password already, then be suspicious if he changes it without explanation. This, to me, is by far the most common sign of a problem – men who are addicted to porn will almost always lock themselves away in the bathroom. In a family home – especially one with children – this may be the only place of any privacy. So it makes sense that a man attempting to hide his reliance on porn will take frequent, lengthy trips there. This might involve running the shower for ten minutes or more but spending the majority of time sitting on the loo staring at his phone. Keep an eye on how often your husband takes his phone with him to the bathroom. He may even bring headphones with him, too. If he does this, gently ask him why he needs his phone. An overly defensive or aggressive response may signal trouble. Strangely, another warning sign of porn addiction I come across regularly is men buying their partner racy lingerie Men who watch too much porn will often try to re-enact what they see on the screen in real life – which can often lead to uncomfortable situations. It’s easy to see why this happens. For many men, porn is a fantastical escape. It allows them to imagine a sex life which is more adventurous and vigorous than it actually is. It’s not surprising that some attempt to turn fantasy into reality. This might involve acts which their partners find shocking, such as choking and hitting. However, the most common change in behaviour I see is a sudden desire for bl*****s. It’s probably due to the fact that every single porn film involves oral sex. It’s depicted as a normal part of sex. In reality, studies show that less than a third of young women say they enjoy performing oral sex, and older women are even less keen on it. Strangely, another warning sign of porn addiction I come across regularly is men buying their partner racy lingerie. They get so used to seeing these revealing – and uncomfortable – outfits in porn that they want to see their wives wearing them too. Until recently, it seemed like the days of paying for porn was in the past. Gone were the days of sleazy video rentals or pay-per-view channels, it was all online for free. But, now paying for porn is back and it’s ruining marriages. This is almost entirely thanks to OnlyFans, the subscriber porn app which is used by around 12 million people in the UK. It allows customers – nine out of ten are men – to pay a monthly subscription to a single porn actor, who posts regular explicit content only available to their ‘fans’. It’s a fascinating business, some women make more than £1million every year via OnlyFans, but it’s a massive factor in the rise of porn addiction in the UK. According to the UK Addiction Treatment Group, OnlyFans is one of the most common triggers of porn addiction in the patients they see. This is largely due to the phenomenon psychologists call ‘parasocial’ relationships. This is where someone builds a one-sided relationship with a social media personality online. They adore this person, and begin to feel like they know them personally, even though this famous figure doesn’t know who they are. It’s often seen in young women who become besotted with musicians like Taylor Swift or Harry Styles. But with OnlyFans it takes on a much darker form. Some even argue that a married man who uses the app is cheating on his partner. I’m not sure I agree, but I don’t think it’s healthy either. The good news is that it’s easy to spot if your partner is dim enough to use your joint account to buy an OnlyFans membership. These usually cost around £10-a-month, and it will show up on the bill as ‘OnlyFans’. So, if your partner suddenly decides he wants to get a new debit card, or you see him inputting his card details into his phone, but he won’t tell you why, it could be due to an OnlyFans account. Your relationship might have become strained or stale due to the malign effects of porn. You might be plodding along, not making the most of life, or each other Spotting the signs of porn addiction isn’t a case of catching a partner out, it’s about helping them. The good news is that a compulsion for pornography can be fixed. And it certainly doesn’t mean the end of a relationship. In fact, although it might feel crushing to discover your partner has a problem, it can turn out to be a blessing in disguise. Your relationship might have become strained or stale. You might be plodding along, not making the most of life, or each other. This could be the wake-up call that is needed for both of you. So, should you suspect your partner has a problem, who can you do about it? Talk to them. Ask them if they could subconsciously be using porn as a crutch. Check if there is something he is worried about – work, finances, or the kids. A porn problem can often come as a result of stress. Addressing the topic might come as a relief to him. Keeping a secret can make a person feel they are very alone. But it’s important to approach it without appearing angry or judgmental. Talk to your partner about using healthier crutches instead, like exercise. Even better, find something you can do together – get a couple’s membership at the local gym, or make time to go for long walks together. And, if you are a man reading this who recognises you might have a porn problem that is getting out of a control, show this article to your partner. She might be taken aback, but she will appreciate the honesty. If you don’t feel you are able, or if you don’t have a partner, then you can talk to a counsellor confidentially. There is a list of reputable therapists on the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) website. Couples therapy can also make a relationship better than it ever was. Samantha Marcham is a psychotherapeutic counsellor. Her book Porn Bomb, co-written with her son Maximillian, offers advice to young people about pornography. Published by Associated Newspapers Ltd Part of the Daily Mail, The Mail on Sunday & Metro Media Group
By Samantha Marcham Published: 12:20 BST, 15 August 2024 | Updated: 13:40 BST, 15 August 2024 503 View comments Porn is a growing addiction crisis – I should know I work as a counsellor at a boys’ boarding school. Some of the stories I hear when dealing with young people are unspeakable.Gay porno But I can say that a worrying proportion of teenage boys spend hours every day looking at content so explicit it would make anyone blush. This, perhaps, is not too surprising. After all, when have teenagers not been hormonal monsters? Porn is now the second most common addiction in the UK after alcohol, according to Britain’s biggest rehab provider, the UK Addiction Treatment Group However, I also run my own psychotherapy practice for adults and since setting up my business, a new phenomenon has shocked me even more: A horrifying number of married men are hooked on internet porn. Research suggests that, since the Covid pandemic, the number of people – almost entirely men – seeking help for porn addiction has trebled, according to the UK Addiction Treatment Group, Britain’s biggest rehab provider. According to the organisation, porn is now the second most common addiction in the UK, after alcohol. I’ve seen this for myself. Generally, the first time a woman will realise there is an issue is when she catches sight of porn on their partner’s phone or laptop. Understandably, this can lead to feeling of anger and disbelief. Many women worry that it must be a reflection of themselves: that they are not attractive enough, not sexy enough – that they are not good enough. Week after week, distraught women sit in my therapy room, sobbing profusely, and tell me how they discovered their partner had not only been watching porn every day, but that he had been doing this on family holidays, birthdays, and even on their wedding anniversary. Therapist Samantha Marcham says often the first time a woman will realise there is an issue is when she catches sight of porn on their partner’s phone or laptop But the case that surprised even me, was the man who had slipped away to watch porn on five separate occasions during his own son’s wedding day! It’s important to say that having a porn problem does not mean someone is a bad person, nor a bad partner. Just like with alcohol and drug abuse, it is a condition that requires treatment. It certainly doesn’t mean that a husband doesn’t love his wife. However, porn addiction can have serious consequences if it is not treated. One of the most common issues is that many men who regularly watch porn struggle to perform during sex. Another is that men may start acting out violent fantasies, such as attempting to choke or hit their partner. One of the most worrying consequences of a porn problem is that it puts men at risk of ‘sextortion’, a crime that is on the increase in the UK. One of my clients, a professional man in his 50s, arrived at my clinic in a state of sheer panic after his porn habit spiralled into him paying to use chatlines and sexting other women – or so he thought. One of these ‘women’, turned out to be an Eastern European criminal gang who then demanded money. When he refused, they threatened to come to his home that evening to pick up the cash, or they would tell his wife and his children. After I had managed to calm him down, he went home and did the sensible thing and confessed everything to his wife. Together, they called the police. Ultimately, the key to tackling a porn addiction problem is catching and treating it early. Many men will deny they have an issue for far too long. This is why, sometimes, it’s up to their wife or partner to stage an intervention. So, with that in mind, here are some of the signs that your husband has a porn addiction… One of the first signs of a porn problem is when a husband suddenly wants less sex. Of course, in a long-term relationship, it is common for desire to come-and-go. Research suggests that women are more likely to experience a low sex drive, especially after having children or during menopause. As a result, many men turn to porn because they feel ‘over-sexed’ compared to their partner and want to let off steam. There is nothing wrong with this – masturbation is a normal habit for both genders. However, if, seemingly out of nowhere, your husband’s sex drive drops off, this may suggest he is masturbating to porn too much. I often hear from women who say the first time they noticed any issue was when they instigated sex with their partner and he struggled to gain, or maintain, an erection. This is also a sign that he may be getting his sexual fix online. There’s even a medical name for this problem – porn-induced erectile dysfunction. However, this may also be a sign of standard erectile dysfunction, which affects roughly one in four adult men – primarily those over the age of 50. For this reason, it is important to look for other signs of porn addiction as well. When a man becomes cagey about his wife looking at his phone, one of the most likely reasons is that he is regularly using it to view porn. Historically, this has been seen as a possible sign of an affair – but frankly, I can tell you it’s much more likely to be explicit pictures and videos. Mobile phones are the main way people consume porn these days and, moreover, the internet has provided a seemingly infinite number of ways to consume content designed to arouse. Along with the obvious websites such as Pornhub, the most common places online where porn can be found include the social media sites Reddit and Twitter, as well as the subscriber app OnlyFans (more on that below). Male clients even tell me that they even resort to watching soft-core videos on TikTok and YouTube – where nudity isn’t allowed. While Google search history can be hidden by going ‘incognito’ (opening up a private browser), searches on Reddit, Twitter, TikTok, and YouTube generally cannot. Moreover, all these apps now use sophisticated software that show users content based on what they have previously viewed. This means that, if a regular porn watcher opens up Reddit or TikTok, for example, the first thing that appears is likely to be explicit or suggestive content. For this reason, look out for your husband turning his phone screen away from you whenever he uses it. Or, even more telling, he jumps like a madman to intercept you if you go to pick his mobile up. If you know his password already, then be suspicious if he changes it without explanation. This, to me, is by far the most common sign of a problem – men who are addicted to porn will almost always lock themselves away in the bathroom. In a family home – especially one with children – this may be the only place of any privacy. So it makes sense that a man attempting to hide his reliance on porn will take frequent, lengthy trips there. This might involve running the shower for ten minutes or more but spending the majority of time sitting on the loo staring at his phone. Keep an eye on how often your husband takes his phone with him to the bathroom. He may even bring headphones with him, too. If he does this, gently ask him why he needs his phone. An overly defensive or aggressive response may signal trouble. Strangely, another warning sign of porn addiction I come across regularly is men buying their partner racy lingerie Men who watch too much porn will often try to re-enact what they see on the screen in real life – which can often lead to uncomfortable situations. It’s easy to see why this happens. For many men, porn is a fantastical escape. It allows them to imagine a sex life which is more adventurous and vigorous than it actually is. It’s not surprising that some attempt to turn fantasy into reality. This might involve acts which their partners find shocking, such as choking and hitting. However, the most common change in behaviour I see is a sudden desire for bl*****s. It’s probably due to the fact that every single porn film involves oral sex. It’s depicted as a normal part of sex. In reality, studies show that less than a third of young women say they enjoy performing oral sex, and older women are even less keen on it. Strangely, another warning sign of porn addiction I come across regularly is men buying their partner racy lingerie. They get so used to seeing these revealing – and uncomfortable – outfits in porn that they want to see their wives wearing them too. Until recently, it seemed like the days of paying for porn was in the past. Gone were the days of sleazy video rentals or pay-per-view channels, it was all online for free. But, now paying for porn is back and it’s ruining marriages. This is almost entirely thanks to OnlyFans, the subscriber porn app which is used by around 12 million people in the UK. It allows customers – nine out of ten are men – to pay a monthly subscription to a single porn actor, who posts regular explicit content only available to their ‘fans’. It’s a fascinating business, some women make more than £1million every year via OnlyFans, but it’s a massive factor in the rise of porn addiction in the UK. According to the UK Addiction Treatment Group, OnlyFans is one of the most common triggers of porn addiction in the patients they see. This is largely due to the phenomenon psychologists call ‘parasocial’ relationships. This is where someone builds a one-sided relationship with a social media personality online. They adore this person, and begin to feel like they know them personally, even though this famous figure doesn’t know who they are. It’s often seen in young women who become besotted with musicians like Taylor Swift or Harry Styles. But with OnlyFans it takes on a much darker form. Some even argue that a married man who uses the app is cheating on his partner. I’m not sure I agree, but I don’t think it’s healthy either. The good news is that it’s easy to spot if your partner is dim enough to use your joint account to buy an OnlyFans membership. These usually cost around £10-a-month, and it will show up on the bill as ‘OnlyFans’. So, if your partner suddenly decides he wants to get a new debit card, or you see him inputting his card details into his phone, but he won’t tell you why, it could be due to an OnlyFans account. Your relationship might have become strained or stale due to the malign effects of porn. You might be plodding along, not making the most of life, or each other Spotting the signs of porn addiction isn’t a case of catching a partner out, it’s about helping them. The good news is that a compulsion for pornography can be fixed. And it certainly doesn’t mean the end of a relationship. In fact, although it might feel crushing to discover your partner has a problem, it can turn out to be a blessing in disguise. Your relationship might have become strained or stale. You might be plodding along, not making the most of life, or each other. This could be the wake-up call that is needed for both of you. So, should you suspect your partner has a problem, who can you do about it? Talk to them. Ask them if they could subconsciously be using porn as a crutch. Check if there is something he is worried about – work, finances, or the kids. A porn problem can often come as a result of stress. Addressing the topic might come as a relief to him. Keeping a secret can make a person feel they are very alone. But it’s important to approach it without appearing angry or judgmental. Talk to your partner about using healthier crutches instead, like exercise. Even better, find something you can do together – get a couple’s membership at the local gym, or make time to go for long walks together. And, if you are a man reading this who recognises you might have a porn problem that is getting out of a control, show this article to your partner. She might be taken aback, but she will appreciate the honesty. If you don’t feel you are able, or if you don’t have a partner, then you can talk to a counsellor confidentially. There is a list of reputable therapists on the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) website. Couples therapy can also make a relationship better than it ever was. Samantha Marcham is a psychotherapeutic counsellor. Her book Porn Bomb, co-written with her son Maximillian, offers advice to young people about pornography. Published by Associated Newspapers Ltd Part of the Daily Mail, The Mail on Sunday & Metro Media Group